A Place of No

I believe I can see the future...'Cause I repeat the same routine- Trent Reznor 

Yesterday a long time (because in your 40s "old" is offensive) friend stopped by for a visit. "You do too much," she said on her way out the door. She didn't say it to be rude or shower me with praise for my supermom capabilities. It was out of genuine concern.

In 2012 I launched The Bravo Bitch (which later became The Bravo Blonde and TBBReality) after reading Bethenny Frankel's A Place of Yes. The book was a guide to getting the things you want out of life by keeping a mindset that anything is possible so long as you believe you can, and go after what it is you want. Hormonal, and angry at the world that I was back to work after 9 months home with twin babies, I decided that my life was substandard. I was destined for bigger and better and it was time to go after it. My Place of Yes lead me back to my roots as a broadcast journalism major and desire to work in television. I started running a commentary and blog about reality TV, because after 6 weeks of bed rest followed by 9 months at home with infants it was all I really knew anymore. I was struggling to find my pace as a working mom. Teaching young minds by day and diapering even younger ones by night was more difficult than I'd ever imagined.

My Place of Yes lead me to exciting parties and premieres. Interesting friendships with people who couldn't ever relate to the real me. I had to adopt a new persona. I was living a double life. I often felt like Superman changing in phone booths, only I was changing into an evening dress in a closet or bathroom somewhere after a full day of work. My Place of Yes got me many great experiences and connected me with many awesome people I still talk to (and I'm not referring to the famous ones), but above all my Place of Yes left me exhausted. When my hell year of trying to sell a condo and purchase a house was over, I bailed on my Place of Yes. I disappeared from the twittersphere to get back to my own reality.

For the past 14 months I didn't blog and I barely tweeted. I kept my social circle small. I threw myself into the mundane everyday stuff of life that I was supposed to loathe. I said "no" to every event invitation and ignored all the emails to feature and promote products. Eventually I stopped checking my TBB email altogether. You know what? It felt great. I didn't even care that there was this whole other universe going on. I could turn my back on it without feeling like I missed out. My Place of Yes became a Place of No...and I was happy with it.

So as I sit here and type away on New Year's Eve 2016, I've set my goals for the coming year. That goal is to continue to come from that Place of No. It started when, for the first time in over a decade, I decided to not bake holiday cookies. As I scrolled through Facebook, I saw everybody's photos of their home baked goods. Did I feel like a failure? Nope. In fact, the feeling of one less thing to do and a dozen less ingredients to buy was more blissful than any Instagram "look what I did" post ever was to me.

I then carried my Place of No to my staff breakfast party. I don't exactly live close to my job, so getting my kids up early and dressed on a Saturday wasn't really appealing when I was already burning out from holiday prep. In the end it actually snowed that morning. I wouldn't have been able to make it anyway. "No" won again!

As Christmas faded and the holiday bills started piling in, I started to get anxiety. I have a lot of debt that was accumulated my first year in my new house when the kids were still in daycare. Saying yes to every thing I thought I and my family wanted and needed left me with more bills than I've had in years. So I decided to expand my Place of No to, "No I don't need it", "No I'm not buying that", "No I won't pay that much." I started it tonight when I canceled our traditional NYE sushi outing to bring in a much more cost effective pizza instead. The pizza tasted a lot better than another 2 hours out in uncomfortable clothing with nothing but another buck fifty on my credit card and a Facebook post to show for it.

Most importantly, my 2017 Place of No is to stop chasing perfection. It's totally unnatainable. I'm over trying to convince myself and my friends that I can do it all. How fitting that on December 26th my desk calendar, a compilation of "Inspirations for a simpler life" stated, "You can do anything, but not everything." Perhaps that was the message that was lacking from A Place of Yes. It was with this knowledge that I arrived at my friend's holiday party last night (after a day filled with two different repair man windows, my last workout at my gym that closed after 21 years of my membership, and having to chauffeur my husband back and forth to work while his car was fixed) with a store bought cake I forgot to defrost and an unwrapped gift in a bag. Perfectly imperfect and I survived.

So what will I say yes to in 2017? More time with my family, less time on the internet, the life insurance purchase I've been putting off, and of course that NYC Marathon on November 5th. Everything else is up in the air. Go ahead and ask me, invite me, tempt me with your wares...just understand I might say no...and I won't feel an ounce of guilt about it.


*Miles logged this week about 20. Days until Marathon 308.